~catcherintherai

no, not dying in ur sleep or anything like that...

here are some of the most wicked coolest ways:

~Convince a doctor that you're an overgrown fetus. And that is an abortionist doctor, ok?

~You could always hire me..I mean, either way, we both win. I get paid, I get to kill someone, and you get to die.

Or you could die in a more..grandeur, way.

~Like, for instance, slitting your wrist with a poisoned and oiled razor. Then put a match to your skin. See which comes first, dying of poison or having your bloody arm exploded. Sounds like fun to me.

~Then again....put yourself in a bathtub partially full of gasoline, and partially full of water, and drop a match in there. Set yourself on fire, then drop a plugged in hair dryer. Lots of fun to clean up, yay.

~Go to america and eat the food. Your heart will clog on fat and you will die happy and jolly just like that phedophile named Santa Clause.

~If you want a spectacular death, I know a way that will get you lots of attention. Here's how you do it:

Get yourself a handgun and get to the roof of a tall building. Let people see you and wait for the rescue team to arrive. There'll be a big crowd and some guys standing ready to catch you.

Inevitably someone will come up to 'talk you down'. Give him/her a big smile and say: "Relax, I'm not going to jump". The look on their faces when you pull out the gun and shoot yourself will be priceless.

For the greatest effect, make sure that you fall down after killing yourself. The people down below will be relieved they managed to catch you in time. Double the fun when they see they didn't.

Another way is to insert a large black (as this is the colour of death) umbrella into your mouth and push as far as you can down your throat. Once inside you open the umbrella and feel the spokes of death puncture your organs. Your blood will spray in all directions so make sure you do this in a small white bathroom for a dramatic effect.

Some pointers....
= take a crap before you commit suicide
= if it's going to be bloody, please do it in a bathtub.
= leave trains alone. Engineers don't need the extra hassle.

And then there will be some people who will try to stop you. Here's what they are going to say and some of my notes.

1.At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
Why don't they kill themselves?

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
There are probably more than 15 phedophiles in the world, check em out in the streets. But wait, why go for a phedophile when you are way overage. Go get yourself a pimp.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
Thats not true, i hate everyone coz i DONT wanna be like them.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
I hate happy people, my life is horrible, why should they smile?

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
See Number 2

6. You mean the world to someone.
See Number 2

7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
If you kill yourself, you can donate your organs to people who don't hate themselves

8. You are special and unique.
You are the all singing, all dancing crap of the world!

9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
See Number 2

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
Unless you totally fuck up and end up on the streets or death row.

11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world. Blame society

12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
The good old parent theory again. Someone is always going to be better than you. I REALLY want to win 100 million, but someone else did.

13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
Remember where the people who are rude to you live, and burn and sodomize their pets

14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
I agree, telling people I hate them makes me feel just ace!

15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.
If you dont, see how long you can hide in the freezer at the supermarket for.

Peace out you sons and daughters of hairy arm-pitted prostitutes!

More suggestions welcome.